Reconnoitre [sequel to Unconditional]
by Jaye Reid
Summary: Reconnoitre - to examine. Emma Woods won't be the same again.


Reconnoitre

[sequel to Unconditional]

By Jaye Reid

Commenced: 16.08.2000

Completed: 14.10.2000

Rating: PG-13

Category: Angst/R

Disclaimer: Characters in this story are owned and operated by the amazing hardworking team at Southern Star. The story however is mine!!

Summary: Reconnoitre - to examine. Emma Woods won't be the same again.

Authors notes: I've had several requests to write a follow up story to my steamy 'Unconditional' so here it is for all those who dared to ask. Please don't expect a steamy continuation! I started writing this ages ago and finally decided that I should finish it now. Nothing too graphic in this one... 

Feedback would be appreciated.

~*~*~*~

Gone.

Just like that.

He's not here anymore.

I sit down on the wharf. My legs dangling over the edge. One shoe has already fallen off into the water and disappeared... but I don't really care. All that I can think about is the fact that he's gone... and he's not coming back. Without a word, without a discussion, without a smile.

He's gone.

Gavin walks past. He calls out. "Hey Woodsy... what do you *do* to these sergeants?"

I spin my head around and give him a glare that I learnt from a former colleague. His eyes meet mine and he can see that all isn't well in *my* world. His face drops, the smile is gone.

"Gees mate, are you okay?" he asks in his big brother tone as he sits down beside me. He puts his hand on my shoulder. But *his* hand isn't the one I want touching my skin at the moment.

"Yeah fine. Fine Gavin," I tell him half-heartedly. I think to myself - fine. As long as you don't view my life crumbling around me as a problem. He understands I don't want to talk. He gives me a lopsided smile and squeezes my shoulder as he stands and retreats.

I look out over the glistening water and I know I'm never going to speak to Lance again. There were so many things I wanted to say. That I should have said.

But I didn't.

I am having trouble believing this has happened.

It was only... it wasn't *even* twenty-four hours ago. He's turn my whole world upside down in the space of one week. If he hadn't come up to me at the Bar last week. If he hadn't said the right words, pushed all the right buttons. Then I wouldn't have...

Nah come on Emma. Who are you kidding I tell myself. You wanted it. You wanted it just as much as he did. Who was I trying to kid when I decided it was only going to be one night? That nothing else was going to happen. That we could just go back to the way things had been. Yeah... who was I trying to deceive?

Myself - that's who.

I close my eyes and wrap my arms around myself. I can still remember his bed, his body, his warmth. Right now, I wish I was there again. It was perfect. I know perfection is rare, but I can't find a fault with anything about that night. But if my memory isn't playing tricks on me, how could he just disappear out of my life like this?

Yesterday.

Oh God... yesterday. What a total and absolute mess that was. I put my hands up to my face and cover my eyes as if to try to block it out.

But I can't.

I think... I know... that I have lost the respect of Hawker. Everything I had worked hard to achieve and I totally screwed it up in some hormonal frenzy.

Since that night back at Lance's... life has been so damn complicated.

Lance and I worked so closely together and the heat between us was reaching boiling point. We both could feel it.

Well yesterday it boiled over and exploded.

I grin when I remember the smile on his face. The guy could melt polar ice caps with a that smile. We were the only ones left in the workshop yesterday. I helped Lance carry some of the gear back. Everyone else had bolted for the bar. It was John's Birthday and we were having drinks down there after work. Lance and I hadn't exchanged many words this week, only glances.

I mean what can you really say after the incredible night we spent together? Physically I don't think there is an inch of my body he doesn't know. And I could probably say the same about his.

My wetsuit is brand new and I've been having trouble with the zip. It was stuck again and seeing this, Lance decided he would help me undo it.

Big mistake.

One that's cost both of us dearly.

I just stood there looking down at his strong hands work at getting the zip undone. Just as I joked with him that he didn't have as much trouble getting me out of my dress last weekend, the zip suddenly worked.

And there we were. 

His hand still on the zip tab that was down to my stomach, his eyes fixed steadily on me. He smiled as he looked into my soul through my eyes and told me that the prize for getting the zip undone was the same.

Me.

I replied that it was a little different as I had something on under the wetsuit - unlike the dress last weekend. I couldn't break from his gaze. I was totally transfixed. Then he ran his hands under my shirt, telling me that he could fix that discrepancy if I really wanted.

I close my eyes again now as I remember. My whole body was burning. My body *is* burning again. I know I'm only frustrating myself with these memories, but he was the most amazing guy I've ever had. Not that there have been many in my life, but he's taken out first prize.

I didn't answer him. I just kissed him. The hunger in my actions told him what he wanted to know. He pulled the top of my wetsuit away, my shirt unbuttoned and half hanging off my shoulders, my bra undone as we groped at each other. Soon his shirt was lying in a crumpled heap on the floor behind him. He had already changed back into uniform.

Yep he was in his day uniform.

I was *half* naked, *on* duty and I almost in the middle of what was going to be a frenzied sexual encounter with a *uniformed* sergeant.

This was so improper it was laughable.

It is almost laughable now...

Like some B grade porn flick.

Something out of the twilight zone.

Then the room spun.

I wish I could say it was from pure ecstasy.

But it wasn't.

"ROUKE... WOODS... MY OFFICE... TWO MINUTES" Jeff had bellowed.

I froze.

We both did.

I couldn't look at Jeff. Lance went to say something to him, but Hawker had already turned on his heels and gone. I swore under my breath. And I swore and swore...

I looked down and tucked myself back into my bra, reclipping it before straightening my shirt to do the buttons up. I couldn't look at Lance. I know he was just standing there looking at me. The seriousness of this was starting to sink in with both of us.

He put his hands on mine as I tried to do the buttons up. My hands were shaking but I pushed his away. How did this get so out of control? He put a hand under my chin and forced me to look at him.

"I'm the senior officer here, I'll take full responsibility."

That's what he said.

His exact words.

But I knew I couldn't let him do that. If he did, it could be misconstrued that, as the senior officer, he forced himself on me and I didn't retaliate in fear of retribution. His career would be over and he could face serious charges.

I told him no.

I was at fault just as much as he was. We would have to face this one together.

Dressed again, we walked in silence to Jeff's office. What could we say? We had fought all week to keep our hands off each other and at the first hint of chance, we gave in to the temptation.

Helen gave me a worried glance as we walked up the stairs. I bet Hawker had stormed through there. I wondered how long it would take before everyone knew.

This was just all so bloody unfair.

But then again, we had no one to blame except ourselves.

Jeff growled at Lance to close the door behind us. I didn't mind. I didn't particularly want anyone hearing this anyway.

We both stood at attention. "Sir I..." I tried to say before Jeff snapped at me to 'save it Woods'. I don't really know what I was going to say to him anyway.

Lance tried as well, with virtually the same result. Jeff was furious and he had paced around behind his desk. I fixed my eyes to a spot in the wall and concentrated on it. I couldn't look at Jeff, knowing how much of me he must have seen.

Then he started.

He was very leveled in his tone. That surprised me. He said how he didn't want to hear any ifs, buts, that it wasn't what it looked like or that it wouldn't happen again. He was right. It shouldn't have happened in the first place.

He made a sarcastic comment about knowing it wasn't a new CPR technique we were practicing either. He said he wasn't that naive or stupid.

Then we copped the 'I can't believe senior officers, members of *my* team could act in such an unprofessional manner' speech. Hell! He thinks *he* can't believe it? I was doing it and I *still* don't believe I did.

He said it would not be tolerated. Of course not, I thought. If this sort of thing was tolerated then it would be anarchy around here. 

He stood at the window, gazing out at the harbour. He has a nice view I decided. But then again, I got to go out on the water every day and he was stuck in an office. Not my idea of what the Water police was about.

He had rubbed his forehead. We'd given him a headache. Not a good sign for us. We were in deep shit and we both knew it. He rattled on about having enough to contend with in the last month. What with the five ringed circus and all the problems and paperwork associated with it only starting to thin out. Now he said he had 'two of his divers behaving like dogs on heat' quote unquote.

Lance tried a 'with all due respect..." But again Jeff told him to save it and that he wasn't interested.

Well *I* was interested. I wanted to know what Lance had intended to say to Jeff's comment about us behaving like dogs on heat. Was Lance going to *try* and defend our actions? Tell Jeff it was more serious between us? Not that I know the answer to that question. I'm not *really* sure how serious we were. But I would have liked to have known.

I'll never know now.

Jeff let out an audible sigh as he turned back to us. My gaze had drifted to him standing at the window, but I quickly refocused it back to my imaginary spot on the wall. He said he had a 'deal' for us. For a second my spirits lifted. He said he was still snowed under with paperwork and wasn't keen on adding to it with the tonne required for disciplinary action for both of us. He asked if we had both been willing parties in the incident that he witnessed. He said he was willing to pursue the matter to it's fullest extent if one of us was coerced.

"We knew what we were doing," I answered on our behalf. I knew he was directing the question at me. I couldn't see any woman forcing Lance Rourke into *that* position against his will. And I guess it was *me* pinned up against the workbench. Not the other way around. But telling him we knew what we were doing may not have sounded quite the way I had hoped. We knew what we were doing - sure. We should have been smarter and done it somewhere else I though.

He had raised an eyebrow to my initial comment, but said no more about it - thank goodness.

But just when I thought it wasn't looking as bad as I had envisaged, the crunch came.

The words sounded all jumbled in my head and I felt like I was drowning. Somewhere in the next few minutes before we uttered 'yes sir' and left, he had given us the ultimatum. 

One of us was leaving.

He didn't care which one of us was applying for the transfer, but we had two days for it to be on his desk. He suggested we discuss it on our *own* time. As he dismissed us abruptly, he added something like 'if he *ever* saw a display like that again....' I don't exactly know what else he said to be honest. I tuned out. I'd had enough and now my life was going to take another turn.

We had joined everyone down at the bar for a drink and pretended nothing had happened. I started feeling awful after an hour or so. I think the realisation had kicked in that I should be the one to transfer. I was the junior officer and it had taken Lance so long to get to the position he was in. I could find another position much easier than he could.

I pulled him aside from the group on the premise of helping me carry the next round of drinks back to the table.

I told him I was going to transfer, that it would be best for both of us if I did. He shook his head at me and told me no. He said I was a long respected member of the team and he was still the new kid on the block. I scoffed at the comment and told him how respected I was going to be when this came out? We were standing at the bar, our backs to the others, they couldn't see us. Lance rested his hand on mine at the bar and demanded that I look at him. His next words nearly reduced me to tears.

He told me I was a beautiful strong woman and that I had the right to be respected. What happened between us was something more powerful than he could have ever imagine happening to him. He said something about what we did not being wrong and that I should never think of it as being wrong. He made me laugh by saying that we could have picked a better place to do what we did, joking that Hawkers office would have been interesting. That broke me from my somber mood. He told me I would always have his respect.

I almost forgot about the problem we both faced. One of us had to leave or face more serious consequences. And neither of us wanted that.

He said that as it was Wednesday, Hawker didn't need a response until the end of Friday. I didn't feel like talking anymore about it, so we decided we would met up for a drink to discuss it the next day after work.

That next day being today.

We had a good night last night at the bar. I arrived this morning feeling a little better.

It didn't last long.

Lance didn't show up for work.

The others joked that they didn't think he turned one on last night. Not enough to have a hangover and not show up for work. Unfortunately I had my suspicions. And it took me two hours before I found the courage to face the fact that he had gone. So much for our planned talk!

I excused myself and headed for Hawker's office. I had to see Jeff, no matter how hard it was going to be to face him after yesterday. I had to know for sure.

And he confirmed my fears. Lance had arrived early and handed him his resignation. Not a transfer, he resigned and left.

My heart pounded and my head hurt. I went back to the workshop and dialed his phone number. '...the number you have called is not connected. Please check the number and try again.... the number you have called...' I hung the phone up. Perhaps he just forgot to pay the bill I thought. Surely he couldn't have... not yet? I dialed his mobile. '...the number you have called is no longer available..' I slammed the receiver down on the cradle. One of the guys looked in my direction. What could I say?

I knew this was it.

So here I am, sitting on the wharf. I don't care that I'm slacking off. I just don't care about anything at the moment.

A shadow falls over me. I look up hopefully, but it is Mother Superior. She sits down beside me on the edge of the pier. She asks me how I'm going. She emphasizes my name. I look at her and I can see in her eyes that it is a genuine question and not merely a flippant conversation starter.

"I'm not sure Helen," I answer her honestly. I tell her that I guess she has heard, that everyone has *heard*. Scuttlebuck travels swiftly amongst the tongues of people around here. She pauses for a moment or two before speaking.

She says that everyone knows now that Lance is gone.

I ask her about the rest of it.

About yesterday.

I am sure she knows.

I catch sight of a faint grin across her lips before she pulls that serious expression back on her face. Yesterday she questions. For a second I wonder if she *does* know. Then she asks me if I am talking about the Chief Inspector copping an eyeful of me and my direct superior, half naked and virtually going for it on the workbench in the divers workshop.

Yep, she heard about it.

I try and hide the smile at the memory of it. Well the events before Jeff walked in anyway. I nod, we are talking about the same thing. She says that unless we told anyone else, then no, no one else knew. They seemed to be assuming that the meeting in Jeff's office was about Rouke's resignation and nothing more. I ask Helen if she wants to go for a drink after work. I guess I could do with talking to someone, and she's so easy to talk to. She smiles back, telling me she has a date. Lucky her I say. She nods. 

I sigh and tell her I can't believe I let it happen. She reminds me that I wasn't there alone. She's right, and so was Lance when we talked about it at the Cutter last night. We were both at fault. Helen adds with a smile that surely we could have found somewhere more comfortable.

I laugh.

I didn't think I would be laughing about this so soon, but I am.

She tells me to cheer up, then Donna comes out with a message. It appears that Lance left a note for me. She apologises for not finding me sooner before heading back to the office.

I tear at the envelope. There is only a short note. Helen is trying not to intrude, but I hand her the paper. She gives me a questioning look before reading it out loud. The significance, the deeper meaning of the words are lost on her, but hit a point in my heart. I don't want to cry, I want to be the strong woman he told me I was... but I can't.

"Never forget that you are special Emma.

Don't stop doing things - just because.

Lance"

I remember the note I left on his pillow as I disappeared that morning. He had been sleeping so peacefully after our night together. And as I slept this morning, it was his turn to disappear.

This was his goodbye.

The End.


End file.
